Well even though today is better than yesterday I still can't help but feel like I've taken 5 gigantic steps backward. After 4 long weeks of stressing over health care I was put on ADAP. You could more than likely hear the outward sign of relief all the way to Hawaii. Only to find out just yesterday that Utah Health Department is cutting back ADAP. What does this mean - anyone who is not 250% under proverty was no longer eligible for ADAP!
Now I understand cut backs, I really do.
But I have one question - why was I removed from ADAP but my husband was not. Aren't we one family? And starting November 1st I will have health care coverage through my work - however my HIV meds are going to cost me $350 per month. Still I'm not eligible for ADAP - why because I work. And I make too much money - but not enough money to pay for my meds solo.
Anyway - I'm venting. I'm a little stressed about my meds.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A perfect Sunday with bad planning
The sunny is shining, it's warm and there is a slight ocean breeze, just enough to remind you that spring is here. The sky is so blue. I walked outside and my eyes were drawn to sky's calming yet energizing color. Rarely does the sky's beauty shine down upon us like it is today. Usually there is just enough smog in the air to make it appear sluggish and dull. Not today.
Why am I so fixated today? Because I would rather be OUTSIDE. Instead I'm sitting in Hot Java - a hip coffee shop in Long Beach. The partrons are mostly gay; but everyone seems nice.
The issue is we (Behr and I) are trying to hold a fundraiser. A Wii bowling tournament. But no one whats to play. I think it is because the sky is drawing people outside. Like it trying to do to me. Drawing me to go out and play (walk the dog, ride my bike, walk on the beach - I can think of endless things to do, read a book by the pool).
HELP - someone open the door and let me out.
If we could raise $200 it would be all worth it. So far $78 dollars :(
Enjoy your Sunday! For both of us.
Why am I so fixated today? Because I would rather be OUTSIDE. Instead I'm sitting in Hot Java - a hip coffee shop in Long Beach. The partrons are mostly gay; but everyone seems nice.
The issue is we (Behr and I) are trying to hold a fundraiser. A Wii bowling tournament. But no one whats to play. I think it is because the sky is drawing people outside. Like it trying to do to me. Drawing me to go out and play (walk the dog, ride my bike, walk on the beach - I can think of endless things to do, read a book by the pool).
HELP - someone open the door and let me out.
If we could raise $200 it would be all worth it. So far $78 dollars :(
Enjoy your Sunday! For both of us.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Changing Daily
Life amazes me - daily.
Every day offers something new and different.
I woke up this morning contemplating if I would ever reach the $3000 minimum to ride AIDS/LifeCycle this coming May. And if by change I do raise that much money in these tough time, what happens if my husband doesn't. To date I have raised just over $700, and not from lack of trying.
And then I got an email from Camp Laurel. For those of you that don't know Camp Laurel is a non-profit organization for HIV infected and affected children, by sending them to camp (regardless of their income) for one week. For one week these children get to live it up - for a lot of them this is the one week a year where they are like every other child.
Camp Laurel has asked me to join in the planning efforts for this years ride. So even if I can't ride for ALC - I can still ride for AIDS.
I wish a magic fairy would fly down and drop $2000 in both mine and my hubbies fundraising account. I wish I would get more work. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Is anyone else felling the same way I am? I'm sure they are -
Every day offers something new and different.
I woke up this morning contemplating if I would ever reach the $3000 minimum to ride AIDS/LifeCycle this coming May. And if by change I do raise that much money in these tough time, what happens if my husband doesn't. To date I have raised just over $700, and not from lack of trying.
And then I got an email from Camp Laurel. For those of you that don't know Camp Laurel is a non-profit organization for HIV infected and affected children, by sending them to camp (regardless of their income) for one week. For one week these children get to live it up - for a lot of them this is the one week a year where they are like every other child.
Camp Laurel has asked me to join in the planning efforts for this years ride. So even if I can't ride for ALC - I can still ride for AIDS.
I wish a magic fairy would fly down and drop $2000 in both mine and my hubbies fundraising account. I wish I would get more work. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Is anyone else felling the same way I am? I'm sure they are -
Monday, February 16, 2009
Blogging is not for everyone - neither is saying NO
I was inspired with blogging few months ago when I became s subscriber to a friends blog. I read his blog each and every morning with my first cup of coffee. Prior to picking up the morning newspaper, before I check my email I'm reading about his prior day events. My friend has been disgnosed with Cancer and he is unable to speak. I admire his courage and strength. And his sense of humor.
Him and I are not at all alike. He has such a incredible memory and attention to detail. Words flow onto his key board - magically. I think this may happen because of his great memory (which I do not have) and his love of writing. I started blogging because of him and to see if writing would help me remember last years events or sometimes even yesterdays.
It occured to me - if you are doing what you love you are more likely to remember. So what do I love? I'm not really sure. I try to do so many things, I have trouble telling people no.
First I must make a list of everything I do and then decide which ones come first. Gardening, training my dog, training myself for AIDS LifeCycle, TRL for ALC, teaching Wicca, studying wicca, spending time with my husband, my family, my friends.
I love my Dog
I love my Husband, and my family.
I like to garden,
AIDS is a part of my life and so is Wiccan.
So I have decided to slow down a bit. I will no longer be teaching Wiccan on Sundays.
But I will continue to study it and walk the path. That is right. I actually told someone no yesterday. No I can not teach the class.
Today I am off work. I think I'll drive down the coast. Read a book, clean out my drawers (they are a mess) and prepare a workshop for ALC.
And say NO one more time today.
Him and I are not at all alike. He has such a incredible memory and attention to detail. Words flow onto his key board - magically. I think this may happen because of his great memory (which I do not have) and his love of writing. I started blogging because of him and to see if writing would help me remember last years events or sometimes even yesterdays.
It occured to me - if you are doing what you love you are more likely to remember. So what do I love? I'm not really sure. I try to do so many things, I have trouble telling people no.
First I must make a list of everything I do and then decide which ones come first. Gardening, training my dog, training myself for AIDS LifeCycle, TRL for ALC, teaching Wicca, studying wicca, spending time with my husband, my family, my friends.
I love my Dog
I love my Husband, and my family.
I like to garden,
AIDS is a part of my life and so is Wiccan.
So I have decided to slow down a bit. I will no longer be teaching Wiccan on Sundays.
But I will continue to study it and walk the path. That is right. I actually told someone no yesterday. No I can not teach the class.
Today I am off work. I think I'll drive down the coast. Read a book, clean out my drawers (they are a mess) and prepare a workshop for ALC.
And say NO one more time today.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
To Be or Not to Be
Why do we as humans constantly compare ourselves to others? Why can't we be raised to think and believe that it is ok to be the best we can be? Instead of - I wish I could write like that person, I wish I could speak that him/her. If only I were good at.....
The bottom line is I know very few people who think and feel this way. Maybe my daughter. What did I do to make her so confident? Actually it would be more accurate to say what didn't I do to make her so confident? I would have never won a mother of the year contest.
My point is I really want to just be happy just being me. I'm not miserable, but I want to be content with my career, my vocabulary, my life. I want to believe that not remember every little detail of my day doesn't make me a loser or a prime candidate for Alshiemers (and I'm not going to look up that word).
Blogging takes effort - like going to the gym or remembering. Or dieting, or not drinking your favorite beverage.
Effort according to the dictionary means - exertion of physical or mental power. So it is kind of like work. No wonder it no fun. Why can effort mean doing something that stimulates neurons in you body, causing pleasure and the feeling of happiness.
To be or not to be - today I choose to be! What about you?
The bottom line is I know very few people who think and feel this way. Maybe my daughter. What did I do to make her so confident? Actually it would be more accurate to say what didn't I do to make her so confident? I would have never won a mother of the year contest.
My point is I really want to just be happy just being me. I'm not miserable, but I want to be content with my career, my vocabulary, my life. I want to believe that not remember every little detail of my day doesn't make me a loser or a prime candidate for Alshiemers (and I'm not going to look up that word).
Blogging takes effort - like going to the gym or remembering. Or dieting, or not drinking your favorite beverage.
Effort according to the dictionary means - exertion of physical or mental power. So it is kind of like work. No wonder it no fun. Why can effort mean doing something that stimulates neurons in you body, causing pleasure and the feeling of happiness.
To be or not to be - today I choose to be! What about you?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Where do you start?
I've been following a friends blog for awhile now. He is so witty, with a great sense of humor and yet so serious. This just makes you want to wake up each morning and read what he has to say. After all it is better than ready the newspaper. And although the newspaper is real life, what I read off my friends blog is honest, sincere journalism at it's finest.
So I thought to myself maybe I should give this a try. You see lately I've been doing a lot of what my friend does. OK, well I'm not fighting cancer but have begun writing a monthly newsletter in his place. Gezz, I wish I had his wit.
There are some selfish reasons for giving this a try. I seem to be suffering with memory loss. So this blog isn't really for anyone else to read; it is truly a in efforts to trigger whatever is in my brain that is causing me not to remember. Don't get me wrong - I remember what I did today (so far). But I really have to concentrate to remember what I had for dinner last night. I remember my telphone number from when I was growing up - but I can't remember 95% of elementary school.
Maybe I should see a doctor? Oh yea, I see one all the time. I guess I should actually talk to him about his problem.
In the past two weeks, two people I know have been diagnosed with Cancer. One is a very good friend of mine, the other a close friend of my daughters. She is 27 years old and was diagnosed with breat cancer - she will be undergoing a massive masectomy followed by radiation and possible chemo. And I'm bitching about my memory problem. Who said remember what you had for dinner is a problem anyway. I bet if it were lobster I would remember. Followed by a nice Merlot.
And why do I care if I remember why I was fight with my husband last Saturday. Or when the last time I actually took the dog for a walk. Why do I remember every persons name on the Training ride on Sunday - but I don't remember driving hom.
Am I the only one with this crazy problem?
Well I know I didn't spell out my day - oh by the way I'm cooking chicken for dinner, with white rice and spinach. I think I'll stick to a glass of water or maybe milk, skipping the wine for tonight.
At least tomorrow I'll remember that much.
The brain is a funny thing - dementia, alzheimers or perhaps just habit. I'll explain that later.
HUGS
So I thought to myself maybe I should give this a try. You see lately I've been doing a lot of what my friend does. OK, well I'm not fighting cancer but have begun writing a monthly newsletter in his place. Gezz, I wish I had his wit.
There are some selfish reasons for giving this a try. I seem to be suffering with memory loss. So this blog isn't really for anyone else to read; it is truly a in efforts to trigger whatever is in my brain that is causing me not to remember. Don't get me wrong - I remember what I did today (so far). But I really have to concentrate to remember what I had for dinner last night. I remember my telphone number from when I was growing up - but I can't remember 95% of elementary school.
Maybe I should see a doctor? Oh yea, I see one all the time. I guess I should actually talk to him about his problem.
In the past two weeks, two people I know have been diagnosed with Cancer. One is a very good friend of mine, the other a close friend of my daughters. She is 27 years old and was diagnosed with breat cancer - she will be undergoing a massive masectomy followed by radiation and possible chemo. And I'm bitching about my memory problem. Who said remember what you had for dinner is a problem anyway. I bet if it were lobster I would remember. Followed by a nice Merlot.
And why do I care if I remember why I was fight with my husband last Saturday. Or when the last time I actually took the dog for a walk. Why do I remember every persons name on the Training ride on Sunday - but I don't remember driving hom.
Am I the only one with this crazy problem?
Well I know I didn't spell out my day - oh by the way I'm cooking chicken for dinner, with white rice and spinach. I think I'll stick to a glass of water or maybe milk, skipping the wine for tonight.
At least tomorrow I'll remember that much.
The brain is a funny thing - dementia, alzheimers or perhaps just habit. I'll explain that later.
HUGS
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